Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
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