when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
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what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
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the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
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