thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I smell like Dick and happiness
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
