Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
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i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
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I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
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