I cockslap morals
I forgot how hot balto sounded
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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