when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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