and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
