Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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