do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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