Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
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