Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
