I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
