This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize