Define "chronic" masturbator.
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Randomize