I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Operation Purity has been aborted
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
