well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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