Betty ford says i'm here all night
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
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