No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Randomize