just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
