your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Randomize
