I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
