how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
