Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Randomize
