i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
