My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
