Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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