So drunk its hurt
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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