I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
