walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
