On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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