Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
