If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Randomize
