Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
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