I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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