So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
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