I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
