I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize