I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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