Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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