its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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