I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
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