Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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