Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will pee on everything he values.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize