Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
