the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
