Having a random hookup so left but love u
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Randomize
