I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Randomize
