i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Randomize
