just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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