The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
