i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
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