That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize
