I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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