I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
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