When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
PANTIES FOUND
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
