I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
