Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Help me help you realize you are a moron
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
