I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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