Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
i believe in u and ur pee
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
