You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
BRING THE BAGELS
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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